A College Senior’s Christmas List
Twas the night before finals and all in my mind,Were thoughts far from learning of any type or kind.The kids were hungover who were done with their testWhile I sat and studied “trying my best”. Home friends were snuggled in Jersey in their beds,But visions of theology danced in my head. The temptation of pillows called me to nap,to release me from this business school trap.Too much studying had my brain in a fog,So I decided, hey, why not resurrect this blog? A Christmas list for Santa in my senior year,If I had a heart I’d probably shed one tear.I’ll hold onto the next semester with all of my might.Back to studying I go, and to all a good night.
1.
A job that actually makes your college education
worth-while. Technically, with my rich
Catholic school background, a job as a nun would validate this. Be wary of
loopholes.
2.
The Senior Slim Down: Wouldn’t it be nice if the freshman 15,
followed by the sophomore 16, and finished off by being the jiggling junior
were just erased by a magical phenomenon of the Senior Slim Down, where you
wake up on Christmas in your senior year of high school body so that you look
hot for all your tagged pictures in the last semester of your glory days?
3.
Vodka coming out of your kitchen sink starting
on Thursday at 3 and ending on Sunday at 11am.
It’s important to hydrate with water at other times. Better yet,
no. How about just an IV of tequila (or
whatever alcohol you may choose) so that you get the most out of your BAC .
4.
Certainty that, there are better “relationship”
(lol) options, than the sub-par guys/girls you’ve exhausted in your social
circle once you get into the real world.
Maybe an attractive, last minute transfer student could be a nice
stocking stuffer. The glasses aren't fooling anyone, Ryan. The world knows you could use some more school... ;)
5.
A puppy that requires no care since you have
other obligations like class, Facebook, sitting in shoddy establishments
enjoying warm pounders, and now, Snapchat video.
6.
A personal assistant (house elf) to do your
laundry, go to the grocery store, and cook your meals, aka pick up your
Chipotle and provide your 3am Cheesy Bread.
7.
A clone to attend your classes and get a 4.0 for
the semester while you sit on the couch with your friends and watch MTV’s
Catfish and The Voice onDemand.
8.
Lots of spring attire, such as open-back shirts and/or oddly printed or pastel colored staple pieces from Brooks Brothers or Ralph Lauren so you can be really trendy and
pretentious at all times in real life and on Instagram.
9.
Mumford and Sons concert tickets
10.
A hot tub time machine to turn back the time
that flew by in your 4 years having the time of your life. Also, it’s not a hassle for your time machine
to double as a hot tub, ya know?
